My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
where are my eyebrows?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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