Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
