i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
