paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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