and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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