I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dick very happy bro
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
