i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
