It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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