I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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