your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize