it wasn't lemon gatorade
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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