lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
