connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
