My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize