I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
