Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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