If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
