I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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