ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
