I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
