I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
