ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We're too hungover to prance.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
