dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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