He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i think im in europe. pls send help
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize