I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
