Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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