There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
