worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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