Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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