I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
