I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
