I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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