the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
