i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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