now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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