I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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