Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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