I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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