life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
