First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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