I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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