Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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