babies were throwing up all over the place
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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