The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
