i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
