dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
