i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
