yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
