You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
