I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
