On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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