dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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