You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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