You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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