Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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