it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just pee around me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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