Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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