Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
