And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
