Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
