It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
