Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She told me I should be a condom model.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
