ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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