Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
