elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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