If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
